...I can’t get enough of the words “Ex-President George W. Bush.” It’s not as nice as “Imprisoned Former President George W. Bush” or “Excommunicated President George W. Bush,” but it will have to do.
...I’m disappointed that Obama rejected the first draft of my inauguration speech, which involved him torching the Bible, lifting up a Koran and yelling, “WHITE PEOPLE, YOU BE FUCKED NOW!!!! AAAAAH-HAAAAAA-HAAAAA-HAAAAAAA!!!!”
...I was kind of hoping that he and Michelle would show up with Angela Davis-caliber ‘fros, and that Flava Flav would come scuttling out to rap the national anthem as the entire audience got up to get down.
...I was waiting for him to turn to the camera, reach under his chin for the edge of the latex, and let the beard spill to the floor, as staffers rushed to distribute the burqas.
...I think the most important question is “where was Obama’s big-ass hat”?
...All I was really interested in was Dubya getting the frick out. My heart swelled with joy when Executive One (the helicopter) lifted off and circled the Mall as the remaining crowds below started singing: nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah hey hey hey goodbye.
...I found myself deeply confused by the speech. Isn’t the new President supposed to officially announce who we are supposed to hate now?
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